Thoughts of the Thinking Mind
I already know what to do.
And yet, I don’t always do it.
I have bad feelings when I do things that I may not want to do—like buying unhealthy food impulsively or spending too much time on screens.
There is a sense of misalignment in those moments. Nothing extreme, just a quiet awareness that something is off.
Overthinking has always been present throughout my adult life and an interesting discussion. You can read more on that in my previous post here.
Let Yourself Shine — But Who Is the “I”?
Let yourself shine.
I am a wonderful person.
But then the question appears:
Who is the “I”?
This question doesn’t go away. It stays in the background of everything.
I am always distracted from this main question of Who Am I?
The distractions include TV, food, reading philosophy, and general stimulation. These can feel meaningful, but they are all signposts—not the answer itself.
They point somewhere, but they never arrive.
This is one of the core struggles of overthinking and self-awareness: the mind keeps circling the question instead of settling into it.
Distraction, Overthinking, and the Search for Meaning
Distraction is not always obvious.
Sometimes it looks like entertainment.
Sometimes it looks like learning.
Sometimes it even looks like philosophy itself.
But underneath it, there is still the same movement away from direct experience of the question:
Who am I, without all of this?
Even so, I don’t see distractions as purely negative. They feel like part of the process—signposts that repeatedly point back to awareness itself.
What Feels Good and What Feels Off
I love the sea, forests, and mountains.
I feel good when I:
- explore new places
- hit a goal
- eat well and stay in shape
- plant things and watch them grow
- learn a new skill
These things feel grounded. They feel real.
But I feel bad when I:
- become attached to negative thought patterns
- experience a feeling of dread
- identify myself too strongly with my problems
There is also a recurring feeling of wanting a new life situation. I imagine different environments, surrounded by new people and places, as if I want to drop all current circumstances completely.
But maybe it doesn’t necessarily require a whole life change.
Maybe it can come from:
- new habits
- visiting new places
- actively talking to new people
- small shifts in environment and attention
Not escape—just movement. These small choices can lead to big changes, which I have addressed in a previous post.
Productivity, Stillness, and the Feeling of Dread
When I stop being “productive,” I often feel a sense of dread.
A strong internal urge that I should be doing something.
It is not calm rest.
It feels more like pressure.
This creates a tension between:
- doing
- and simply being present
I am trying to understand how to achieve a healthy body and mind without constantly feeling like I need to be “doing more.”
Decision-Making, Doubt, and Awareness
I often question whether I have made the right decision—regardless of how important it is to me.
Maybe some of these decisions are important.
But the pattern repeats either way.
So the challenge becomes finding a balance between:
- presence
- and personality
- awareness
- and action
Not removing thought—but relating to it differently.
Finding Balance Between Presence and Personality
Perhaps the goal is not to eliminate thinking or personality.
Maybe it is to stop identifying so strongly with every thought that appears.
There is a balance somewhere between:
- presence
- and personality
- stillness
- and movement
- awareness
- and daily life
I don’t necessarily need a completely new life situation.
But I may need a new relationship with the one I already have.
Final Reflection
The question “Who am I?” keeps returning.
Not as a problem to solve.
But as something to live alongside.
Always present.
Always pointing inward.
Never fully answered through distraction—but never truly absent either.
Here There and Everywhere 
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